Cheerio Three In A Row...

"When I was just a little boy," began Liam Buckley's rousing pre-match teamtalk," I asked my mother: would I be Rovers? Would I be Pats? Here's what she said to me..."
     What Followed was 90 minutes of artistry and passion that literally sent shockwaves throughout the world of football, as for the second time in recent years The Saints put five goals past South Dublin County Council's much-lauded rent boys tenants. This time, however, the massacre was televised, and by 19:50 on Friday evening RTE bosses were wringing the hands at what was unfolding. Steven Alkin (some-time commentator, full-time Hoop) marched into the away dressing room where he gave Stephen Kenny's men the hairdryer treatment.
     "What the fuck are you playing at out there?" he demanded to know. "This was not part of the fucking script. Do you hear me? Sort it the fuck out or I'll roast all of your bolloxes over a coal fire and feed them to my turtles. Especially you, Killian, you one-footed, pox-ridden, lead-headed, little fuck face."
     The silver-tongued Lothario's words, though, were to no avail as The Saints struck twice more, despite the return of Daryl Kavanagh to Richmond Park (where he netted 4 league goals last year - 3 against Drogs, one versus Galway - putting him on a par with Michael Holt, David Freeman, Marcus Hallows, Chris Arsmtrong, Mark Rooney, and Juimmy Lee Jones in the mediocrity stakes).
     The full-time whistle was met with rapturous applause by the Inchicore faithful, but their Hooped counterparts were understandibly less pleased with what they had just seen. Unconfirmed reports claim a man bearing a striking resemblance to Con Murphy - his voice almost gone after 90 minutes of 'Bouncy Castle, Bouncy Shed' - was seen venting his frustration on a 5' 2'' Bean Garda.
     "You're just a Free State cunt," the man (who may not, in fact, be Mr Murphy), is alleged to have said.
     Stephen Kenny, meanwhile, wasted no time in enlisting the help of his brother Pat and cousin Enda in ensuring that even if Rovers don't retain the title, The Saints won't be the ones to stop them. The next episode of The Pat Kenny Show will feature an exposé on the culture of  post-match'roasting' endemic in The Saints squad, while Enda promised Rovers the full backing of The National Blueshirt Christian Movement.
     The Saints remain undefeated.